Hoppers Do the Double on the 2's

In a deja vu moment Clitheroe 2's were seeing blue and white hoops in front of their eyes. Are we playing Preston Grasshoppers AGAIN?
Well...yes.
This time the 6th team, apparently. But as always with the canny Hoppers you never just know. But at least there was a good sprinkling of grey weaves and balding pates to give the relatively youthful home team some cause for optimism.
In Captain Kirk's supposed absence (more of later), this week Jamie Taylor [pictured], assumed the skippers voluminous armband. His quiet assertive leadership made him a perfect stand in & if nothing else, he sported lovely flowing hair - a bit like a young Robert Redford - rather than Kirky's rather austere sheep shorn basin cut.
As is custom the lads gathered for the pre-match rituals in the home changing rooms. At the helm of this weeks music playlist was our very own God botherer The Rev Sam Cheeseman. A few eyebrows were raised as soon the walls were vibrating to some heavy duty rap and dub beat sounds - just the ticket to get the players into the game zone.
How the church has changed, I mean - what's wrong with a bit of Cliff Richard?
The groundsman had prepared a superb pitch, flat and plenty of grass and white lines so sharp you could cut a sliver of ham on them. Thank you Phillip.
So to the game itself; a late cry off had reduced numbers so Clitheroe started off with the traditional 14 men [I think 15 a side spoils it].
Unfortunately Hoppers did have 15 big uns, and before we knew it the scoreboard monitor was working overtime to keep up with scores as the visitors raced into an early 0-12 lead.
In between times the home team numbers had been reduced by one as Big Geoff Williamson, in his 49th season, was forced off injured. While the team were reeling from the setback, up pitched Jack Spider Nadin, from somewhere and dived into the fray. Not exactly a like for like replacement but back up to a full complement. [of 14].
After about half an hour Clitheroe got a toehold back into the game when Sam White awoke from his slumber and blasted through for Clitheroe's opening try. Big Boy Bleasy knocked over the conversion and the maroons were up and running [ or jogging] 7-12.
Not to be out done the Hoppers monster pack reasserted their control and grabbed another score back. 7-17
The home support was buoyed , boosted and bolstered by the appearance of Captain Kirk on the touchline. After a quick change into kit at the side of the pitch, causing some blushing ladies to swoon, he skipped on the enclosure to pack down with his mates in the scrum. 15 v 15 - now we'll show 'em.
And they did. No more scores up to the interval anyway. A lot of heavy breathing in the huddle as tactics were discussed and dissected for the second forty minutes.
The strong south-westerly was now at their backs, which was a good pointer as any for the second half strategy. You would have thought.
Not so really.
Hoppers threatened to spoil the party by , rather unsportingly, scoring a rapid fire succession of three more tries. The scoreboard numbers were whirling round like a fruit machine as they raced to a 7-34 lead. This seemed a knockout blow, leaving Clitheroe down and out on the canvas and the referee counting to 10.
Fortuitously, and somewhat bafflingly, that was the end of the Hoppers scoring for the day; were they exhausted after diving over the line so many times or had they mentally gone off the boil - the greybeards dreaming of sitting down with a nice cup of tea and Countdown with Carol Vorderman?
Either way it reignited the home team and Sam White began to tease and toy with the Hoppers defence.
A length of the field breakout of defence was thwarted yards [or metres] out but new boy debutant Rory Campbell was on hand to take the final pass to dot down for his first try for the Club, and so doing qualifying him for an after match pint. Unfortunately BBB shanked the attempted conversion attempt. 12-34
Clitheroe were now rampant and with the capacity crowd baying for more, or was it the Foghorn blasting out encouragement from the top touchline? Whatever - Clitheroe were now running the ball from everywhere.
Bristling charges from the forwards, and we don't just mean Tim Douglas's splendid moustache/goatee combo, put Hoppers on the back foot and caused some panic in their ranks. Even when the handbags threatened to fly among the super tankers - the very sight of Richard 'Nobs' Thornber's shiny black eye, sustained while hastily grabbing a packet of Hobnobs from the kitchen cupboard at home, was enough to scare them off.
With a bit more ball to play with and the kicking game gone out of the window it was all action as the ball was spun left and then right and occasionally forwards.
Some neat touches from Matt Mason and Craig Harrison had the spectators on the edge of their seats and the great support play from Phil Winstanley [taking over the limping duties from Spider, this week] and Austin Wensley - both backs 'turned' fatboy forwards, was a joy. Mitch Jones was chop tackling like a lumberjack on speed. So all the Rev had to do from scrum half was feed the boy White.
Off he went like the Duracell bunny, freewheeling down the pitch for another try. BBB converted and it was Game On! 19-34.
Time was running out but Clitheroe attacked again and again. And again it was the impish White who bounded over for his hat trick . No extras - 24-34.
But alas the ref blew for no side and Hoppers escaped the famous come back. Would another 10 minutes have done it? Who knows? It's all conjecture.
Looking back, maybe some tighter defending in the first half when a few soft scores went in, would have helped. But no worries - a good game from both teams and good Saturday entertainment for the watching faithful.
Amen.

**A disappointing return in the post match drink off - when the combined talents of White, Campbell and Douglas (that well known firm of solicitors) were out done and out drunk by an elderly gentleman about three time their age.

Off to Aspull next week. Can't wait.

Report by Our Special Correspondent